 Critics Miss Out On Life!
by Winn Claybaugh
author of Be Nice (Or Else!) And What's In It For You
My brother Brennan happens to work for me in my company. Until recently, Brennan strongly disliked sushi and had no problem letting everyone know. Whenever dinner decisions were being made with a group of friends, and sushi was suggested, he would immediately and strongly express his distaste. Brennan is always looking for ways to advance in his career, and it finally occurred to me (which I promptly shared with Brennan) that many of my business dealings and negotiations are held in sushi restaurants. I said to him, “Imagine that a person with a great offer or opportunity for you suggested, ‘Let’s meet and discuss this over sushi.’ What do you think would happen if you responded, ‘Eeewww! I hate sushi’?” My recommendation to Brennan was that he stop critiquing sushi and learn to find something on the menu to order and enjoy. Brennan now enjoys all of his dining experiences, and some of them happen to take place in sushi restaurants.
In my company, we strongly believe in the importance of lifelong learning, and we heavily invest in training our people. Years ago, I’d spend a lot of money purchasing airline tickets, hotel rooms, and seminar tuition to send my people to educational events in fun places like Las Vegas. When they’d return, I’d always ask, “So how was it?” On occasion, they’d respond with, “I didn’t like the food they served at lunch.” I’d think to myself, Who cares what you thought about the food? Who asked you to be a restaurant critic? Most likely, these self-proclaimed food critics completely missed out on the amazing education being shared, because they thought it was their job to criticize the food.
Who said you had to be a critic and have an opinion about everything? Unless your career is food or film critic, do you really need to be so demonstrative in letting everyone know what you think and feel about certain things? When you produce your own Broadway show, then you can critique Broadway. In the meantime, being nice doesn’t mean just biting your tongue; it means choosing to let things go.
For me, a person who always interjects an opinion and critiques every little thing is coming from a place of ego. When I come from my insecure, low self-esteem, ego place, it’s because I want you to feel good about me. And when anyone comes from that place, there’s no room for another opinion. There’s no room for you to feel good about yourself. I call it the “It’s all about me” syndrome. Well, maybe I don’t call it that, but I certainly know what it’s like to be around.
Do you know people who, the older they get, the more critical they become? They have a blasted opinion about everything: “That’s disgusting! That stinks! That’s inappropriate!”
When I was coming up on my twenty-ninth birthday, I went to see a psychic who candidly told me that I was a serious old man at the ripe old age of twenty-eight. She said that if I didn’t “lighten up” by the time I turned thirty, I’d live the rest of my life as a serious old man. I took her advice and asked some friends to teach me how to lighten up, relax, let things go, and have fun. I spent that year before my thirtieth birthday consciously and purposefully practicing what my friends taught me. I took a lot of weekend trips, went to outdoor concerts, had picnics, went camping, spent a lot of time with my young nieces and nephews, and did anything else that seemed spontaneous, simple, easy, and—in contrast to the serious businessman I’d become—irresponsible. Soon after I turned thirty, I “packaged” my newfound way of life and launched a speaking career. On my brand-new business cards, I fittingly had “Lighten Up” printed under my name, more as a reminder to myself than to others.
When people feel it’s their role to be a critic—which easily bleeds into critiquing anything and everything—they miss out on simple pleasures, gifts, learning opportunities, adventures, discoveries, and growth. Critics miss out on life. Let go, lighten up, and you’ll quickly see how much happier and fulfilling being nice can be.
Winn Claybaugh is the author of BE NICE (OR ELSE!), with foreword by CNN's Larry King! He has been in the beauty industry since 1983, and is the founder of Paul Mitchell The School, with several locations throughout the U.S. In 2004, the North American Hairdressing Awards (NAHA) recognized Winn's contributions by awarding him the Hall of Leaders Award. Winn has been a speaker and educator for many years. He is the National Motivational Expert for Paul Mitchell, and has worked with thousands of businesses, including companies such as Vidal Sassoon, the Irvine Company, Entertainment Tonight, Mattel, For Rent magazine, Structure/Limited Express and others. In its November 1997 "Super Heroes" section, American Salon magazine called Winn a "mover of mountains" and "Mr. Fix-it." Winn has also served as vice president of the AIDS Relief Fund for Beauty Professionals, and continues to pursue many fundraising projects.
For speaking engagements, or to order Winn's book BE NICE (OR ELSE!), call 1-800-459-4007, or visit www.BeNiceOrElse.com
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