| November 1, 2004 BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM In this issue... A BE NICE Story Monthly Audio Message People Profile Do Something! Quote of the Month And on BeNiceOrElse.com: Featured Article Fall Back in Love with Yourself October's Newsletter Introductory Issue NEW CD! Winn Claybaugh live August 2004 Be Nice (Or Else!) $20  With a Special CD Introduction by TV and Radio Personality Leeza Gibbons Learn More
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"A famous swami once told me years ago that someone who’s nice always gains... Winn Claybaugh is a remarkable guy and one of the best motivational speakers in the country. In this terrific work, he brings you easy-to-use concepts that could bring interesting rewards." |
 Hi Everyone,For my entire life, being happy and feeling good about myself have never come naturally to me. Self-esteem and happiness seem to come naturally to some people, but not to me, and that used to really upset me. I used to think, I’ve read enough books and I’ve been to enough seminars on happiness and self-esteem. Why can’t I just coast once in a while? Well, I can’t. I’ve learned that there are certain things I have to do every single day in order to be happy. I now know what those things are, I do them all the time, and I’m one of the happiest people I know. A big part of my curriculum to become happy was to practice being nice, and it brought about happiness beyond my utmost fantasies. Another part of my curriculum was to read empowering books. In this month’s A BE NICE Story, you’ll see how good books can change a life. Maintaining balance is another important part of the plan. This month’s Audio Message features Noel DeCaprio, an incredible woman who maintained balance while battling cancer. Noel also practiced the principle of being selfish in a good way—the subject of this month’s Do Something. Finally, one of the most important things you can do to be happy and improve your self-esteem is to maintain quality relationships. In People Profile, I’m proud to introduce two of my greatest role models in the area of relationships, my mom and dad. Thanks for helping me live my fantasy of spreading this BE NICE message and giving nice people a voice. XOXO, Winn A BE NICE Story  The following e-mail came from Mickey Bolek, a hairstylist and salon manager from Washington, D.C. To help his team grow their business to the next level, Mickey recently started a book club, with Be Nice (Or Else!) as their first selection. I’m grateful to Mickey for sharing his intensely personal story about how books helped restore his shattered self-esteem.Dear Winn, It’s been a while since I read a book that didn’t make me feel more flawed as I read it. You see, I got caught up in reading a lot of self-help books. I’d spend more time diagnosing myself and feeling worse than I did being enlightened and growing. I would like to share with you the story that turned me around. I grew up in the ’70s, in racially divided Baltimore, Maryland. My neighborhood was rough, so were my schools, and the people were awful. I experienced an alcoholic father and an abusive mother and siblings. I also knew as long as I could remember that I was gay. I grew up feeling flawed, shamed, and most of all, alone. One day, a friend turned me on to Augusten Burroughs’ Running with Scissors. I went through that book like a madman. “Oh my God,” I kept saying to myself as I read about a boy who’d lived a childhood similar to mine. At the age of 37, I finally didn’t feel alone anymore. A weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt free. Since then, I have been a stronger and emotionally healthy person. I have a better relationship with my mom, my life partner, and work. As I was reading Be Nice (Or Else!) I found the book to be a validation that my personal journey of peace, balance, and being the best human I can be is right on path. I felt energized to be nicer. Your book has been another step on the path I am choosing to take at this stage of my life. Thank you for writing it. Mickey Bolek Monthly Audio Message I once had the honor of knowing a wonderful woman named Noel DeCaprio. The owner of the Noelle Spa for Beauty and Wellness, she was quite successful in her career and business, and she was heralded by many as a mentor and leader within her industry. 
Noel had also experienced a fourteen-year battle with breast cancer, which eventually took her life in December 1998. Six months before her passing, I interviewed Noel for an audiotape to raise money for breast cancer research at City of Hope’s National Medical Center. In that interview, she shared that after her double mastectomy and months of chemotherapy, she looked in the mirror and hated herself. As she beheld the massive scarring and her bald head, she felt embarrassed by the fact that cancer could show up in her body, and she despised herself for it. Noel was wise enough to know she had to find a way to fall back in love with herself. How she did so and then went on to raise money and awareness for cancer was unbelievable. Please listen to Noel’s message, in her own voice, about the importance of balance and self-esteem. CLICK HERE People Profile 
My parents, Donn and Jeanne Claybaugh, have been happily and romantically married for sixty years. When I spend time with them, I see that they’re just as romantic with each other now as they’ve been for as long as I can remember. Ten times a day I catch them hugging, kissing, and saying to each other, “Oh, I love you so much.”My father’s getting up there in age, and some health issues have slowed him down a bit, yet he still won’t let my mother lift a finger. He wants to wait on her hand and foot. Whenever she wants or needs something, my father jumps up and tells her, “Jeanne, I’ll get it. I’ll get it!” When he does that, my mother giggles as if she were a sixteen-year-old schoolgirl all over again. She just blossoms when he treats her that way. My parents are my relationship mentors. I think to myself, If they can maintain romance for sixty years, then there’s hope for me. Having mentors in every area of your life can lead to better self-esteem. Who are your mentors? Do Something! Be Selfish in a Good Way Cup your hands together as if you were going to splash water on your face. Your hands represent your reservoir. It contains your dreams, fantasies, personality, passion, talents, and skills. At the end of the day, do you sometimes feel that your reservoir is drained? Having good self-esteem means filling up your reservoir on a regular basis. What are those “good” selfish things you can do to make yourself happy in any given moment? Try adding “Nice to Do” activities to your “Have to Do” chores. Look at the example below and you’ll see what I mean.
If you’re thinking, This is so silly and simple, then my response would be, “Thanks! It’s supposed to be simple.” Being nice to yourself doesn’t have to be hard, so why make it difficult? Click here to download a form you can use. Quote of the Month “Why do we think that the process of improving ourselves is supposed to be a chore? If it’s drudgery, will we stick with it? No. It’s got to be fun. How do you make things fun? Follow these two steps: Find mentors and gurus for the area you want to improve, and find people who want to play with you.”
Winn Claybaugh’s Be Nice (Or Else!) The Newsletter! |
