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Be Nice (Or Else!)
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"A famous swami once told me years ago that someone who’s nice always gains... Winn Claybaugh is a remarkable guy and one of the best motivational speakers in the country. In this terrific work, he brings you easy-to-use concepts that could bring interesting rewards."
— Larry King, from the foreword of
Be Nice (Or Else!)

• The first ten minutes of a newscast: If it bleeds, it leads. Newscasters know they’ll hook you with the drama. Isn’t that a sad way to boost viewership and ratings?
  
  
• Talk shows and soap operas: Many of these shows present the most critical, tragic, and petty side of human nature. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that negative information doesn’t get inside your head. On some level, your mind is listening, hearing, and programming the soap opera story line.
  
  
• Violent themes: As a society, we’ve become desensitized to violence. It’s commonplace in movies, videos, music, TV programs, and books. Violence is unnatural to your physical body and loving soul—just as are bickering, critiquing, judging, and heartlessness.
  
  
• Negative or degrading story themes: Story lines that tend to degrade groups of people or that have a negative premise tend to depress your thoughts and affect your emotions. Is that what you really want going into your mind?
  
  
• Gossip: Think long and hard about the types of conversations you engage in. Even if you’re not talking the gossip, listening to it and allowing it to happen makes you a full-fledged participant.

Being nice is easy if you get into the habit of ditching the drama. Control what you allow into your mind, and focus on that which makes your heart sing. Spend time doing things that contribute to you as a person. Broaden your thought process. Focus on becoming informed, inspired, and enlightened, and discover new ways to uplift your spirits.

Thanks for helping me live my fantasy of spreading this BE NICE message and giving nice people a voice!

XOXO, Winn

I just love receiving these kinds of e-mails because all of us, especially me, need cheerleading along the way.

Dear Winn,

My name is Shyla Boyce. I am an educator with John Paul Mitchell Systems.

I received your book Be Nice (Or Else!) at hair camp in Las Vegas. I started to read it on my plane ride home and I participated in the home-play assignments. I have to tell you that it has truly helped me to repair relationships in my life. I talk to my neighbors. I don’t swear at the drivers who can make me a little crazy. I catch myself and say, “Hey, that wasn’t very nice” instead of a long string of useless expletives. I actually give my children more time (not that I wasn’t a great parent before, but I am definitely better).

I just suffered a major disappointment in my career: someone else received an honor I thought I should have received. I’m not going to lie—I cried and threw a temper tantrum to rival any two-year-old (I did it at home, though). When I was faced with a conversation with that person, I thought about the woman in your book who says, “I’m faking it.” I put a smile on my face and my best foot forward and said, “Congratulations.”

I am still sad but I definitely feel better for congratulating her and making her feel good about getting the honor. As a matter of fact, I know I feel better than I would if I’d walked around pouting for a week and not confronting it head-on with honesty, grace, and being nice.

I know these wonderful attributes were always inside me but I have you and your fantastic book to thank for bringing them out. Thank you for writing and giving me this book. You are awesome!

Shyla Boyce

In June 2004, I was privileged to interview writer, actor, and performer C.W. Metcalf. The author of a great book titled Lighten Up—Survival Skills for People Under Pressure, C.W. has survived two brain cancer surgeries and is now on the winning side of a battle with adult leukemia.

Since 1983, this amazing man has traveled the world teaching the value of humor skills to help people cope with challenge and change in their personal and professional lives. It is truly with a survivor’s joy that he shares his message about remaining creative, healthy, and productive through times of uncertainty.

CLICK HERE to listen to “When the Going Gets Tough,” this month’s inspiring message from C.W. Metcalf.


If you enjoyed this month’s audio message, you’ll love our MASTERS Audio Club. Click here for more information.

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Several years ago, my friend Debra Dietrich had just moved to the San Francisco Bay area. One day, as she went to pay the toll for the Bay Bridge, she received a pleasant surprise—the truck driver ahead of her had paid the toll for her.

Touched by the unconditional generosity of this total stranger, Debra decided to adopt his behavior as her own. Ever since that day, every time she crosses the bridge, she pays the toll for the person behind her. She does it even when she has no spare change, and she does it because it “felt good” when someone did it for her. Road rage? Negative drama? Not in Debra’s car!

Here’s a simple exercise to help you calculate the number of hours you spend each week with negative, garbage programming and drama.

First, calculate how many hours a week you spend reading the newspaper. I’m not referring to the funnies; I’m talking about the metro news. If it’s zero hours, write a big “0.”

Next, calculate how many hours per week you spend watching the news on television.

Now, how many hours a week do you spend watching soap operas, negative reality television shows, negative talk shows, or shows that degrade others?

How many hours per week do you spend watching movies with negative or violent themes? (Average the total minutes of negative or violent movies you see; for example, one two-hour movie per month equals thirty minutes per week.)

Finally, how many hours per week do you listen to or engage in gossip or negative conversation with others?

Now, total the hours you spend focusing on garbage.

Next, multiply your total garbage hours times one hundred.

Why multiply your total hours of garbage programming by one hundred? I’ve heard it said that for each hour you’ve spent focusing on negative programming or garbage, it takes a minimum of one hundred hours of positive programming to counteract the effects. If you watch a negative, violent movie for two hours, it takes two hundred hours of positive programming to undo the ill effects.

Now ask yourself, “Do I have that many hours a week to spend going to motivational seminars, reading motivational books, or listening to motivational tapes?” Of course not. So what’s the answer? What do you do about it? You eliminate the negative programming. You completely divorce yourself from the garbage. You abolish it, you get rid of it, and you completely purge it from your existence. You choose not to watch those kinds of television shows, not to go to those types of violent movies, and not to hang around those kinds of gossipy people.

Of course, if you’re as happy as you want to be, if you have all the peace of mind that you want in your life, if you have the level of self-esteem you desire and you don’t want any more, then this does not apply to you. You can still gossip, go to those kinds of movies, and hang around those kinds of people to your heart’s content. But honestly, I’ve never met anyone who couldn’t use a bit more self-esteem. Have you?


CLICK HERE to download a printable “Do the Math” worksheet

—Groucho Marx

Walk the talk and wear the talk. Click Here!