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Parenting the “BE NICE” Way
Hi Everyone,
 May and June are two of my favorite months, because they include both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I love and appreciate my parents so much. They’ve been my role models in so many ways, including the way they show their love for their children, their 75 grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and each other.
I’m very fortunate to have the opportunity to stand in front of large audiences and acknowledge my parents, and those audiences naturally want to give my parents a standing ovation. By the way, I’ve done that many, many times because my mom and dad come to a lot of these shows. People often tell me, “Gosh, I wish I had the opportunity to have thousands of people give my parents a standing ovation.” Yes, it is wonderful to give them that gift, but my message is, that’s not all I do for my parents. I don’t just acknowledge them in front of people; I call them every day and thank them for being my parents. In other words, I give them my personal standing ovation every single day, and you can do the same. Are you honoring your mother and father, and making sure they have a beautiful life? Are you making sure they feel proud every single day, knowing they’ve done a great job in raising their children?
In honor of wonderful parents everywhere (and that includes biological parents, adoptive parents, stepparents, foster parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and anyone else who loves and mentors children), this month’s newsletter features some very special people. You’ll meet Terré Dyer Southwick, an author and foster parent who has opened her heart and home to more than 40 foster kids. You’ll also meet Lydia Sarfati, the daughter of Polish holocaust survivors and a pioneer in the field of skin care. And you’ll hear from some everyday people who are doing their best to make this a nicer world for children everywhere.
In honor of all parents and families, I hope you’ll enjoy this very special newsletter. Thanks for helping me live my fantasy of spreading this BE NICE message and giving nice people a voice!
XOXO, Winn
A BE NICE Story
Do you have a BE NICE story to share? Send it to stories@BeNiceOrElse.com. If it appears in the newsletter, you’ll receive a BE NICE T-shirt and CD!
These three letters from wonderful mothers really touched my heart.
 Dear Winn,
I wanted to let you in on a little secret. For the past 15 years, television, soaps, and now reality TV had become the favorite end to my day. I would come home, spend little time with my family, and after the kids were in bed turn on my DVR. Today, after hearing you speak, I had an “ahh moment” (as Oprah would say). You were so right when you said if we’re feeding our minds with junk and crap then we tend to become like that. The TV was overpowering my time and my life with crap, when I could have been filling it with one more story from my 8-year-old, or blow-drying my 15-year-old’s hair, or talking to my 13-year-old son about football, or spending at least a little more time with my wonderful husband of 19 years. What you said today was life changing for me. I came home and deleted all that stuff from my DVR, so thank you! You have changed my life at age 41 and I love you for that.
Thanks again,
– Michelle Jackson
Dear Winn,
I am always the girl with a big smile for everyone: always happy, always laughing. I show this girl to the world so well that even my closest friends don’t know how depressed I have been for the last two years.
With only a GED and no college education, I worked my way up at a credit union from teller to manager in 7 years. I worked hard to purchase my first home, but Hurricane Charley took it. I moved in with the love of my life, had a baby, and was laid off due to the economy. My grandmother died, my relationship ended, and I was out of work for over a year, even with 10 years experience in banking. I lost my house and my car and had $50,000 in credit card debt (from my relationship). Then I learned that when I feel unhappy, I can think of all the things I’m grateful for. I can be driving to work and see the sun coming up and cry because I’m so grateful and happy for another day to share with the ones I love. When I lost my home, my car, my good credit, and the love of my life in a matter of months, I turned to the fact that my kids were healthy to be happy. Some parents go to work all day and then to the hospital to see their sick child. I might have been broke and still looking for a job, but my family was okay.
I can’t say it always worked. I felt sorry for myself because I worked so hard and everything was gone. I let that situation control me; it had all the power, but I recently began to realize that I can take that power back and you helped confirm that for me. Your imprint on my life is etched into my soul and I thank you for sharing your gift.
All my love,
– Jessica Henchy
Dear Winn,
My daughter recently brought me to hear you speak at her school. I expected to enjoy myself because I was with my daughter, but I didn’t expect to learn.
Like you, I struggle every day to stay positive. I have a handicapped husband who suffers from chronic pain, seizure disorder, and early onset Alzheimer’s disease. Heck, we’ve had Christmas four times since December because he didn’t remember. I’m not telling you this for the pity; I’ve been with this man my entire adult life and I know him from the disease. I never really thought about it before today, but I guess I chose Better over Bitter, without even knowing.
When you talked about visionaries, fence sitters, and resisters, I found myself really tuning in. I realized that I’ve been a fence sitter for the past 48 years, not because I’m unsure about my talents and abilities, but because I was afraid of offending someone. I think it’s time for me to be a visionary. Although I show up early every day, stay past closing most nights, and never turn down an assignment, you taught me that I need to “hang from the chandelier” and shout I’m ready for a promotion. Cuz gosh darn it, if I don’t say, neither will anyone else. When I went back to work after hearing you speak, I took my first step toward being the visionary I want to be. I talked with the president of our agency and told him I want to eventually move up and asked for his advice on my next step. I really don’t know that I would have had the courage to do that before. I am a new follower of the BE NICE culture. I am seeing it, and believing! Keep talking to these kids; you are reaching them. Heck, you’re even reaching the adults!
– Theresa Mazur
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BE NICE News
Port Huron High Forms First High School
Be Nice (Or Else!) Team
 A Michigan high school became the first in America to form a high school Be Nice (Or Else!) team. After representatives from Paul Mitchell The School – Michigan visited Port Huron High to share a message about self-esteem and inclusiveness, the students decided to form their own team.
 Based on the book Be Nice (Or Else!) by Winn Claybaugh, Be Nice (Or Else!) teams have been established throughout the nationwide network of 100 Paul Mitchell cosmetology schools. Following their guidelines, Port Huron’s team members embody the Be Nice culture by encouraging a “give back” attitude and spreading love in their school and community. Team members recognize students in need and offer support through phone calls, love notes, etc. They host events to bring awareness to their school and community, exhibit a “Be Nice” attitude, and motivate others to become part of the Be Nice revolution.
 As one of their first outreach activities, Port Huron High School’s Be Nice (Or Else!) team made local newspaper headlines by packing and delivering Easter baskets to children at homeless shelters.
To learn how you can start a Be Nice Team in your high school or organization, contact your local Paul Mitchell School or visit www.paulmitchell.edu.
Related links:
PHHS Be Nice (Or Else!) Team:
http://youtu.be/IaJpEZBCqNA
Paul Mitchell The School – Michigan’s Be Nice (Or Else!) Team:
http://youtu.be/SrCTkZjV0L4
Paul Mitchell Schools Raise $1.7 Million for Charity
 With help and leadership from their Be Nice (Or Else!) teams, the nationwide network of Paul Mitchell Schools raised over $1.7 million for charity in their 2011 “FUNraising” campaign. The results were announced at the schools’ annual Magic of Memories Dinner on May 1 at the Island Hotel in Newport Beach, CA. Now in its eighth year, the annual campaign topped last year’s high, bringing the eight-year total to over $6 million.
“Once again, it looks like no one told our future professionals about the bad economy,” said Paul Mitchell Schools Dean and Cofounder Winn Claybaugh. Each year, the nationwide network of cosmetology schools chooses charitable organizations to support, raising an average of $5–10 at a time with grassroots events like cut-a-thons, hair shows, car washes, bake sales, and “Casual for a Cause” days.
The campaign culminates in a gala celebration with superstar celebrities representing their charities and announcing the final results. This year’s guests included Betty White, representing Morris Animal Foundation; Dolly Parton, for Imagination Library; Donny and Marie Osmond, for Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals; Leeza Gibbons, who shared co-hosting duties with Claybaugh and represented the Leeza Gibbons Memory Foundation; and John Paul DeJoria, Chairman and CEO of Paul Mitchell, representing Food 4 Africa. Fran Drescher’s Cancer Schmancer Foundation was also chosen this year, and Fran was a huge hit with her surprise appearance to thank the 2,500 future professionals attending their big Las Vegas Caper event in February.
 All money raised in the campaign goes directly to the charities. “All of our partners graciously appeared in support of the foundations they represent,” Winn said. “Not one celebrity is paid to be there, including Donny and Marie, who generously entertained at the dinner and at our February event, along with members of their band.”
Even the dinner is a FUNraiser, Winn adds. “We have incredibly generous donors who sponsor the dinner and provide goody bags, and we sell tickets. This year we had a surplus, which of course we had to give away!” The extra $25,000 went to No Barriers, a nonprofit organization started by Erik Weihenmayer, best known as the blind man who climbed Mt. Everest. At their biannual owners meeting held the same weekend, Paul Mitchell school owners also raised an additional $106,250 for deaf comedian and motivational speaker Kathy Buckley’s organization, No Limits, which provides educational programs and accessibility for deaf and hard-of-hearing children.
“People often wonder why we’re involved in FUNraising,” Winn says. “Yes, we teach the skills needed for a successful career, but we also teach the skills needed for a successful life. Giving back is a cornerstone of our philosophy.”
Highlights of the Magic of Memories Dinner included Donny Osmond singing “Puppy Love” to an adoring Betty White; Marie Osmond singing a heartfelt tribute to her late son Michael; Dolly Parton inviting everyone to join her in an impromptu a cappella version of “9 to 5,” and the announcement of the top ten FUNraising schools. This year, Paul Mitchell The School – Dallas set a new benchmark, raising over $100,000 to take first place. Also recognized were the winners of the “First 50” contest: the first 50 students to raise $3,000 apiece won a trip to the dinner and a day of hands-on education the following day with leading artists and educators including NAHA winners Vivienne Mackinder, Lucie Doughty, and Melissa Jaqua; “Hollywood Hair Guy” Dean Banowetz; salon owner and educator Abe Barron; and Paul Mitchell School owner George Morales.
“Tonight, that room was full of love,” Dolly Parton said. “Faith and love can move mountains and it is pretty clear to me the Paul Mitchell family will continue to move a bunch of mountains.”
“Morris Animal Foundation is grateful to all Paul Mitchell future professionals for raising more than $100,000 to help us create a healthier tomorrow for animals,” said Betty White. “Their hard work and dedication to help animals around the world is truly amazing. My hope is that they continue to help us spread the word about the importance of animal health and welfare.”
Related links:
Donny Osmond Serenades Betty White at FUNraising event:
http://youtu.be/sJKGjyIOH_0
Paul Mitchell Schools FUNraising Web site:
www.paulmitchellschoolsfunraising.org
Paul Mitchell Schools FUNraising video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97ihRTq_Lqg
Deaf Theater Group Gets a Day of Pampering at
Cao Institute
 Cosmetology students and staff at the Cao Institute of Aesthetics – A Paul Mitchell Partner School in Alhambra, CA, welcomed the No Limits theater group for a day of beauty at their school.
Deaf comedian and motivational speaker Kathy Buckley, who works closely with No Limits, was also on hand for the fun. (Even Kathy got a new haircut, courtesy of the school’s owner, Alee Cao.)
“Thank you does not seem enough for what I saw in my kids’ eyes today,” Kathy said. “We put so much time and energy into their speech, education, and raising funds that we sometimes forget to just play. Today was an awesome play day as well as a day for me to see how fast our kids are growing. How can I possibly say thank you for filling my heart with a day filled with love for one another? I soooo love and appreciate all of you and your amazing Future Professionals’ contributions to No Limits today.”
 In a note to Winn Claybaugh, dean and cofounder of Paul Mitchell Schools, No Limits founder and executive director Michelle Christie-Adams wrote: “The kids had a blast and are still talking about it. Last week in our Leadership Class, you were the topic of conversation. All the teens with hearing loss Googled you and learned what a hero you are to the community. Attached is a picture of Nancy, one of our students. The kids all made speeches about you. It was fun.”
Through their afterschool educational program and one-of-a-kind national theater group, No Limits meets the auditory, speech, and language needs of deaf children and enhances their confidence while providing family support and community awareness on the needs and talents of deaf children who are learning to speak. Visit www.kidswithnolimits.org for their upcoming performance schedule and find out how you can help.
Check out the Makeover Day video at http://youtu.be/Fry9dsud8x4.
Winn Claybaugh Addresses Equality Utah Event
 Winn Claybaugh was the keynote speaker at Equality Utah’s first annual Equality Celebration on May 21. The event honored two Utah residents for their leadership in gaining equal rights and protections for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Utahns and their families; recognized students who made national news for pioneering gay-straight alliances in southern Utah high schools; and raised funds for the design and launch of a community education campaign.
“This amazing organization and beautiful individuals have created a culture of love and unity,” Winn said. “Oftentimes, I have found groups to have an ‘us versus them’ mentality, but Equality Utah’s team and volunteers are loving and inclusive. What a sincere joy!”
With a vision of “a fair and just Utah,” and a mission of securing equal rights and protections for LGBT Utahns and their families, Equality Utah drafts legislation and coordinates lobby efforts to ensure its passage. Learn more at www.equalityutah.org.
Radney Foster’s “Angel Flight” Surpasses 1 Million YouTube Views
 Singer-songwriter Radney Foster’s hit single “Angel Flight” describes the U.S. pilots who fly fallen combat soldiers home to their final resting place. Singer-songwriter Darden Smith started writing the song after talking to a Texas Air National Guard pilot who mentioned that he flew the “angel flight.” Smith asked Foster to finish the song with him, and it became a huge sensation. Proceeds from the sale of “Angel Flight” benefit the Texas National Guard Family Support Foundation, which aids military families in crisis.
CLICK HERE to join Radney Foster, Darden Smith, and singer Darius Rucker as they describe the making of “Angel Flight.”
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Monthly Audio Message
 Founder and CEO of the first company to bring seaweed-based skincare treatments and cosmetics to fruition in the U.S. market, Lydia Sarfati pioneered the field of esthetics in the United States and set the industry standard. Today, her skincare method is practiced by top estheticians around the world and taught at the Lydia Sarfati Post Graduate School of Esthetics in Secaucus, New Jersey. She developed the world-renowned Repechage Four Layer Facial, offered in over 20 countries, and her Spa de Beaute concept is now established at over 150 salons worldwide.
Long recognized as an international industry leader, Lydia is a spa consultant for top destinations including spas in Los Cabos, Anguilla, and Japan. A prolific writer, she is the author of Success at Your Fingertips and a contributing editor to industry publications. Her popular blog on www.lydiasarfati.com offers skin care news, advice, and answers to frequently asked questions.
Despite Lydia’s many achievements, few people know that she is the daughter of Polish holocaust survivors; she didn’t talk much about her life until 2005, when she included her story in her book. As a child, Lydia grew up loving Poland and living a good life there, until 1969 when Polish Jews were suddenly displaced and left without a country. Moving to America, she started a new life; she opened Manhattan’s first day spa in 1977 and went on to build a successful career that has spanned several decades.
CLICK HERE to learn how integrity, gratitude, communication, a strong work ethic, and other guiding principles helped Lydia Sarfati overcome seemingly impossible odds. Interviewed by Winn Claybaugh, Lydia shares the incredible story of a modern-day immigrant living the American Dream.
If you enjoyed this month’s audio message, CLICK HERE to join the thousands of subscribers all over the world and receive MASTERS Audio Club, now available in CD and MP3!
People Profile
Terré Dyer Southwick
Author of Kenny: A Foster Child’s Story
 When her son’s friend needed a place to stay, Terré Dyer Southwick became a licensed foster parent and took him in. Next came her daughter’s best friend, followed by seven babies born to drug-abusing mothers. Over the years, this mother of seven and grandmother of four has been a foster mother to 46 kids. Some were eventually adopted, others returned to their parents, and a few aged out of the system. “It was very fulfilling on a lot of levels to nurture those kids and give them a loving, tender head start,” Terré says.
Terré knows something about being a kid in need of a home. After her own parents died within three months of each other, eight-year-old Terré and her three siblings were sent to live with different relatives. She recalls the emotionally chaotic time when none of them knew where they were going. “I definitely have deep empathy for that sense of not belonging and the fear of what’s going to happen tomorrow,” she says. “That’s one reason this is such an important cause to me.”
 Based on her experiences, Terré wrote Kenny: A Foster Child’s Story. “My objective was to comfort the children in the system, give them a sense of hope and belonging, and give the rest of us a deeper understanding and more tenderness toward them,” she says.
Terré would love to see her book in every home, classroom, and foster care agency in America. She also has great suggestions for people who want to help foster kids: “Look into respite foster care, maybe take a child for an afternoon to give a foster parent a break. Volunteer your time. Contact your local agency and say, ‘I’m really good at — whatever.’ Maybe spend an afternoon teaching kids how to swing a golf club. Donate money. Donate goods, books, clothing, shoes. Help them feel like normal kids.”
Terré also recommends talking to your own children about foster care. “Help them understand that these kids have been through a rough time. They don’t have a stable home like some kids are blessed to have. That’s why every home with kids should have this book; it really helps them understand what these kids go through.”
Kenny: A Foster Child’s Story is available through Tate Publishing at http://bit.ly/fpRW3g
Corporate Corner
The Corporate Corner section is obviously geared toward the for-profit business world, and I will forever use this Be Nice Newsletter to enlighten and educate business owners and leaders on why and how the Be Nice philosophy lends itself to increased profitability. Study after study shows that when a staff at work is laughing, having fun, and feeling like they’re making a contribution and a difference to something bigger than themselves, their creativity, teamwork, and profits increase.
 Trendwatching.com, one of the world’s leading trend firms, unknowingly confirmed this philosophy when they uncovered a new demographic in today’s economy: Generation G is defined not by their date of birth but by their repulsion at corporate and political greed and their belief in the growing importance of generosity as a leading societal and business mindset. Trendwatching.com cites two important statistics that every business needs to know about this up-and-coming group:
- 86% of global consumers believe that business needs to place at least equal weight on society’s interests as on business’ interests.
- Any brand or individual doing exceptionally well will be expected to join Generation G.
In his book Profits Aren’t Everything, They’re the Only Thing, turnaround expert George Cloutier wrote: “Don’t blame the economy. Recession or no recession, if your small business is failing, it’s your fault.” As a leader of your organization, it’s your job to take responsibility and turn things around. No compromise. No excuses. Nonnegotiable. And by the way, a leader is anyone who has influence over another human being—which, of course means everyone can be a leader.
The American Dream says we can have it all if we work hard: a bigger house, a bigger car, more-more-more. However, today’s changing economy has caused a shift in the American Dream. We still want the “stuff” but now we also dream about having peace of mind, confidence, and a good night’s sleep. Many of us still dream of being in business for ourselves, but not only for ourselves; we dream of building something for our parents, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and other loved ones.
This new American Dream is not an “either/or” proposition. You can have the peace of mind you want by focusing on being more profitable. When you implement sound business practices geared toward profitability, you won’t have to worry about being audited by the IRS or having your mortgage foreclosed. On the other hand, if you’re not enjoying peace of mind and profitability, it may be time to dramatically overhaul the way you do business. Chapter 9 of Be Nice (Or Else!) outlines a three-step overhaul process called Create, Train, Sustain. Here’s a brief overview (but I encourage you to read the whole chapter for more details).
- Create: People spend a lot of time and energy at work, and they long to belong to a company that makes them feel better about themselves. If you’re a leader in any type of business, you need to create a culture for people to read, study, adopt, learn, and belong to.
- Train: People leave an organization when they get bored or burned out, but the best solution is education. Staff loyalty is greatly enhanced when a company provides education and growth opportunities, and when a staff sticks around, so do the customers.
- Sustain: Whenever there’s a problem or challenge in a company, it’s because relationships have broken down, and relationships break down because of a lack of communication. Sustaining a culture is mostly about effective communication, which needs to be varied, consistent, positive, productive, fun, and constant. Do we use e-mail and memos in my company? Big time. Do we think e-mail will sustain our culture and community? Hardly.
These three steps place a lot of responsibility onto every individual working for a company—even those who think they have no power. By choosing to take that responsibility, you can radically swing the pendulum at work from a negative, toxic environment to a joyful, lovely, and profitable place where people want to hang out.
Do Something
Build an Extended Family
Families can be chosen as well as inherited. Your family can include blood relations as well as “adopted” ones. For example, you might have a stronger bond with a childhood friend than with a true blood sister. Or you may be an only child by blood, but by building an extended family, you can take pride in telling people that your family is enormous.
We all build extended families. We adopt people into our lives and families, and we choose to take care of and look after certain individuals as though they were our own parent, child, or sibling. I think that’s amazing, and we should always look for ways to grow our extended families. Let me share some ideas on where to look.
There might be some people in your life with whom you’ve had weekly or even daily interaction for years, and yet you know nothing about them. After ten years of continuous, close proximity, they could suddenly disappear, and you’d be left thinking, I knew nothing about them, and they knew nothing about me. In your life, who are those people: a coworker? a neighbor?
The same cleaning lady, Angelina, has come to my house each week for fourteen years. She’s responsible, caring, funny, inquisitive—and she’s family. Angelina has daughters and grandchildren at home, whom I always ask about. Likewise, she always asks about my parents, whom she’s met several times over the years when they’ve visited from out of town. I miss Angelina when I travel, and she tells me she misses me. I sincerely hope she knows (and I often tell her) that she can come to me for anything. I want her to know that although we’re not blood related, and although we live different lifestyles, she has someone she can count on, someone who will watch out for her. That’s what families do.
Quotes of the Month
“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.”
— Stacia Tauscher
“If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in.”
— Rachel Carson
Winn Claybaugh’s Be Nice (Or Else!) The Newsletter!
Copyright © 2011 by Winn Claybaugh. All rights reserved.
Editor: Gail Fink
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