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Who Influences You?
Hi Everyone,
 You’re probably familiar with the term circle of friends. It refers to those individuals you choose to spend time with. I often say, show me your circle of friends and I’ll tell you exactly where you’ll be one year from now and ten years from now, including how much money you’ll have, how your marriage will look, and the level of self-esteem you’ll possess.
If you’re hanging out with negative, gossipy, unmotivated people, you’d better realize that your life is headed down the exact same path. How different could your life be if you surrounded yourself with uplifting people who strive for the best in themselves and bring out the best in you?
Once you decide to surround yourself with positive peers, you may have to separate yourself from the negative ones. In my experience of making those choices, some people have been quite hurt and even attacked me over my “divorce” from them. Just because you don’t include certain people in your circle of friends doesn’t mean their accusations are true, and it doesn’t mean you’re not a nice person.
Sometimes it might seem impossible to divorce yourself completely from that negative person. Maybe it’s a family member, coworker, or even your boss. In that case, you might try an approach suggested by Turbo Jam founder Chalene Johnson. Chalene asks, “Who’s your head coach?” Meaning, who are you looking to as an authority in your life? Can you imagine a head coach saying, “Hey team, the other players are bigger than you, they practiced a lot harder, and they’re a lot stronger. You don’t stand a chance today.” You’d fire that coach on the spot! So why would you allow “your” head coach to fill your head with information that doesn’t serve you? If your head coach always puts you down, demote that person from that powerful position and make him or her the water boy (or girl)!
This month’s newsletter is all about looking at who influences you and making choices that serve you well.
Thanks for helping me live my fantasy of spreading this BE NICE message and giving nice people a voice.
XOXO, Winn
A BE NICE Story
Do you have a BE NICE story to share? Send it to stories@BeNiceOrElse.com. If it appears in the newsletter, you’ll receive a BE NICE T-shirt and CD!
These two messages illustrate the power of influence that we all have, whether we’re addressing a large audience from the stage or doing something nice for a stranger at the drive-through window.
 Dear Winn,
I saw you speak at Chalene Johnson’s Camp Turbo. I arrived late because my mom had been sick. Driving to camp, my dad called and said the doctors told him she will just get weaker and weaker and eventually pass away. I literally walked in as you were speaking, sat on the floor in the back, listened to you, made the phone call to my husband (like you suggested to the group) to tell him how much I loved and valued him, and then drove the 90 miles home to be with my parents.
My mom passed away October 28th. Sorry I missed camp, happy I heard you, and happy I left to be with my mom, even if it was just to sit in the room with her. I am taking my son to Italy for two weeks in March. Yep, I would rather be in her living room sitting by her hospital bed.
– Barbara Brodowsky
Lancaster, CA
Hi Winn,
I drove up to a local fast food window and placed my order. When I got to the window to pay, the clerk told me that the car in front of me had paid for my order. I thanked God for that kind person and paid it forward by blessing a customer that day with a complimentary haircut. Ironically, this particular customer was struggling financially and just happened to stop in for a quick cut. God is great!
– Jan Quatroy
BE NICE News
Be Nice (Or Else!) Now Available on Kindle!
BECOME ONE OF THE HAPPIEST,
MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE
YOU KNOW!
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DISCOVER the fun—and profitability—of simply being nice! When you add being nice to what you're good at, your relationships will flourish and your career will skyrocket. If you're a talented businessperson and being nice is part of your skill set, your store will always be full and you'll make more money than you ever dreamed possible. Being nice will open doors, get you what you need, bring you help or attention, and leave a lasting impression.
YOU'LL LEARN: How to start ... by being nice to yourself. How to implement a BE NICE culture at home and at work. What to do when you blow it (and you will). How to defuse and handle mean or toxic people. How to spread your niceness to everyone you meet.
DON'T WORRY, BE NICE! Making yourself and other people happy never felt so good!
Marianne Williamson, best-selling author and a host on the Oprah Radio Sirius XM channel, says, “Be Nice (Or Else!) brought a smile to my face and more happiness to my day. I highly recommend it!”
On February 11, 2011, Be Nice (Or Else!) joined the ranks of over 810,000 downloadable books that can be read on the popular Kindle device and on Kindle’s free application for Windows PCs.
The Kindle edition follows on the heels of the successful hardcover edition, which debuted in 2004 and is now in its seventh printing.
Like all Kindle books, Be Nice (Or Else!) is “Buy Once, Read Everywhere” — Kindle customers can purchase it and read it on Kindle devices as well as on iPads, iPod touches, iPhones, Macs, PCs, BlackBerrys, Windows Phones, and Android-based devices.
Kindle ebook price: $9.99. Now available at www.amazon.com.
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Monthly Audio Message
 After a rough start as an inner-city Los Angeles gang member dodging bullets and dealing drugs, Neeko Abriol narrowly escaped the threat of prison, made a 360-degree turn in his life, and finally found his passion in the beauty industry. With help from newfound friends, and a determination to make something better of himself, he graduated from beauty school and landed his first job as an assistant in a salon. Three short years later, in 1994, Neeko signed on with a Los Angeles agency and quickly became a top Hollywood hairstylist working in print, video, television, and fashion shows. He went on to earn the North American Hairstyling Award’s (NAHA) Editor’s Select Award in 1997, 1998, and 2000.
Today, Neeko’s clients include Halle Berry (for all of her Revlon ads since 1998 and all of her fashion and lifestyle editorial shoots); Nia Long (all editorial and most personal appearances); and Tyra Banks for America’s Next Top Model, Victoria’s Secret, and Cover Girl. Neeko works with leading actresses including Jennifer Love Hewitt, Naomi Campbell, Jada Pinkett, Vanessa Williams, Natassja Kinski, and Vivica A. Fox, as well as recording artists PINK, Sting, Mary J. Blige, Macy Gray, and many others. His work is often seen in Allure, Bazaar, In-Style, Maxim, Shape, Stuff, Vibe, and many other magazines, and he works with top photographers such as Annie Liebovitz, Andrew Macpherson, and Nigel Barker.
CLICK HERE to discover how faith, fate, and a few good decisions helped Neeko turn his life around and change his path forever.
If you enjoyed this month’s audio message, CLICK HERE to join the thousands of subscribers all over the world and receive MASTERS Audio Club, now available in CD and MP3!
People Profile
 This month’s People Profile is a blog that came to my attention when its author posted an entry titled “Hell Is Nice People” and mentioned my book, Be Nice (Or Else!).
The blogger started out by calling me “insanely cheerful” and said my book was “fairly inspirational.” However, she took issue with the idea of giving up gossip, saying she prefers people with "dysfunctional problems as long as they have some good stories.” She ended by asking her readers, “If you can't have a bloody good gossip with someone, what in the name of God are you meant to talk about?”
When I saw the mostly negative replies, I had to jump in with my own response, inviting them to consider the following idea:
We all have influence—some more than others. Whom do you think could raise more money for battered women: Oprah or Jerry Springer? Both certainly have power and influence (just as you all do!) but have chosen to use their influence to promote completely different messages. I, too, am doing all I can to use my influence in ways that matter and I, too, use humor as part of my BE NICE strategy. The day I take myself too seriously is the day my many friends will step in to slap me around!
So rest assured that when your child is being bullied at school, your teenager is struggling with addiction, your best friend is battling breast cancer, or your self-esteem has been shattered because of that cheating husband, there are those of us who will use our power and influence to make a difference.
I’m happy to report that the author and several others came back with positive comments, thanking me for chiming in and occasionally admitting that nice is not so bad. One reply really touched my heart: “I'm eternally nice and you're right, conversation in my neck of the woods is boring, because I can't gossip. Not only do I hear my mum in my head saying if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, but when I ask others around me at work what ‘we're’ talking about the subject is changed …. I feel left out a lot, but I've learned to live with being an outsider. Sort of.”
So often, we think that if we’re nice and we’re visionaries, we’ll have lots and lots of friends. Sometimes it’s exactly the opposite: becoming a visionary can make you a target, and staying strong and firm in your beliefs can be kind of lonely. Hang in there. You’re not alone. There are plenty of nice people out there, and you never know where you’ll find them. Maybe even on a pro-gossip Web site blog!
Corporate Corner
No Gossip Allowed!
 Your mind is a lot like computer software: the quality of the information you allow into your brain directly affects your thinking, beliefs, and behavior. What happens when you feed your mind garbage, focus on negative things, or surround yourself with negative people? What happens when you focus on violence and gossip? You probably tend to become worried, irritated, and tired.
Easily identifiable, gossip can be defined as any conversation that does not support or uplift the individual being talked about. Gossip is like verbal violence; it can absolutely destroy a person, and that’s violence, in a way. Have you ever felt the sting of someone gossiping about you? Have you noticed how unattractive others look when they gossip? Remember that your purpose is to be nice to yourself and to make yourself more attractive. Gossip does the opposite. Think long and hard about the types of conversations you engage in. And by the way, just because you’re not talking the gossip, the fact that you listen to it and allow it to happen in your presence makes you a full-fledged participant, just as guilty as the person doing the talking.
Most people would agree that gossip is a serious cancer in a business, company, or organization. Gossip has many faces, and it can destroy a community. It’s a sneaky, clever, subtle, and unnatural side of human nature—and you’ll want to proactively recognize when gossip exists and have the courage to do whatever it takes to eliminate it from your organization.
On the flip side, when you focus on the positive and productive things in your life, don’t you tend to feel motivated, optimistic, and more energetic? What you focus on can affect your mood … and what your company or organization focuses on will definitely affect your business. That includes your customers, your company’s morale, and your bottom line. If you want a profitable, successful, and nicer workplace, then make it a rule that no gossip is allowed! Even if you’re not in a position to make such a rule, at the very least you can decide that you will no longer participate in gossip of any kind.
Do Something
Eliminate Negative Programming
 One of the most important ways you can be nice to yourself is by eliminating the things that block or blur your perception of what being nice is all about. Divorce yourself from the people, beliefs, and experiences that cause you to be mean, unfeeling, and insensitive. Divorce yourself from even the subtleties of negative training.
People love to assume that they’d never program garbage into their own minds, yet it often happens by default. By not being aware of the information you take in, you let others decide your programming. Maybe you let the producers of one of those horrible, gossipy talk shows decide what your programming will be, and since their choice for you is negative drama, that’s what your mind, heart, and soul take in. Then your beliefs, your relationships, and your view of the entire planet are all about negative, hopeless drama.
If you love negative drama, you’ll definitely attract dramatic, negative people who can’t wait to tell you how bad their lives are, and who did what mean thing to whom. Years ago a lovely woman who works for me made it almost a daily ritual to tell me about all the negative drama and complaints from people at my business. She truly believed she was doing me a favor, and she thought it was a compliment that people came to her with their problems and complaints.
One day I asked her, “Why are you so available for that type of information?” After a long conversation and a reminder about our company’s very effective and positive system for expressing grievances, she finally realized she was not helping the individuals work out their problems, she was not bringing me information I could do anything with, and she was instead bringing stress and bitterness upon herself and her coworkers. This lovely woman is now no longer available for negative gossip and drama.
Your challenge, and this month’s “Do Something” assignment, is to notify the people in your life that you’re no longer available for those types of conversations. Kindly and lovingly tell them you’re working on your happiness and self-esteem and you don’t want to be included in their gossip and negative drama. To the degree that you are negative and attack other people, you also attack yourself. To the degree that you finally decide to give people a break and focus on the brilliance in them, you will finally start to bring out the brilliance in yourself.
Quotes of the Month
“You don’t have to be a ‘person of influence’ to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.”
– Scott Adams, American cartoonist
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou
Winn Claybaugh’s Be Nice (Or Else!) The Newsletter!
Copyright © 2011 by Winn Claybaugh. All rights reserved.
Editor: Gail Fink
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